There are some movies that should just never have been made. Some are cherished books brought to film improperly, some are movies based on nothing and starring the producer’s niece, but many of them are sequels. The tradition of sequels is time honored. There is less risk because the characters and often actors are known and there is a built in audience. Often the payoff is larger than the original, just look at the Lord of the Rings trilogy. But then there are the dogs.
The Matrix sequels
The Matrix was a cool movie. It moved seamlessly back and forth from a normal pseudo reality to a rather drab reality. So why make two more movies focusing on the drab reality? Granted Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity are cool characters, but they can’t carry these heavy films in a dark and depressing universe. Add to that a convoluted and confusing plot questioning what reality is and you get these dragging movies.
Rocky V
The character of Rocky is classic, an all American underdog fighting against the breaks life has deal him. This theme was repeated in a number of relatively successful films. So why would we want to watch our favorite underdog lose everything and pick up an annoying understudy? We wouldn’t. Of course there hasn’t been another Rocky since so maybe we should be grateful the franchise has died.
Grease 2
The first movie was pure cheese, but in a fun way. There was John Travolta, and a bunch of good songs, and silly supporting cast members. This sequel has Michelle Pfeiffer singing her heart out, but the rest of the cast look like marionettes. These songs are not the least bit interesting and the story is just bizarre featuring motorcycle dream sequences, Michele Pfeiffer dressed as a Christmas tree, and a luau. Yes I said a luau.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Yes I am a fan of the original trilogy. This dog doesn’t belong to that hallowed world. The original trilogy had characters whose adventures you wanted to follow, people you wanted to see win, even if Mark Hamill’s acting was a little over the top. This movie has some great actors, but they have nothing to work with. The script is utilitarian at best and inane at worst. The action sequences are beautiful, but there is nothing to wrap them around. But what would condemn this film without all of that, two syllables, Jar Jar, possibly the most annoying character in film history since Bodi. (If you haven’t seen Solarbabies you are missing another dog of a film.) My best advice is, Mr. Lucas, let someone else do the screenplay, please.
Men in Black II
I enjoyed the first Men in Black movie, there were fun characters, nice sets, and just enough of the blend between New York and the extra terrestrials roaming New York. When I was watching MIB II I wondered if the filmmakers really thought the audience was that stupid and whether they were ashamed to have their names on the movie. The story is stupid; it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, and even if it did there is no interest in seeing it to its conclusion. The worst is the acting, you can see all of the actors, Laura Flynn Boyle excepted, sleepwalking through their roles on their way to a fat paycheck. There is no other reason for this movie to exist except as the most menial form of a cash cow. Even the special effects were extraneous and they didn’t look all that good.
Speed 2
I don’t even know what to say about this movie. The first Speed was a blockbuster even though most of the characters had nothing to say. It was inventive and exciting. You would have thought dumping Keanu Reeves would have made for a better sequel. You would be wrong. The action is atrocious, the story lame, and the film just keeps going and going like the Energizer bunny. They just didn’t blow up enough things fast enough.
Devolving horror franchises
I decided to lump all of these together. Halloween was the mother of all of these slasher flicks, and only two people died. Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street came on strong as well. But there are only so many times you can vanquish your enemy and bring him back under some supernatural loophole before the whole thing just becomes comic. As the body counts rose, the quality of the films, and the actors, went from B grade to C minus. Some of these horror movies have been given some new life with Wes Craven’s New Nightmare and the recent Freddy versus Jason film but mostly they have passed their prime a long time ago.
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